We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
