Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
