can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
