do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
