Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
