the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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