You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
