you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
