i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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