I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
