Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
