do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
