were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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