Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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