need another drink. this is the easiest way
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
