Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
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