Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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