I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
