I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
