Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
