Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
