Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
