..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
