if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
