In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
