Do you still have your period?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
