my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
