Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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