i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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