I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
