so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
