**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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