How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
