We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
