He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
