...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
