so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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