Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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