Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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