your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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