im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
