What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
