are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
