I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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