Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize