What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
