i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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