mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
