Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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