I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
