you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
