After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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