I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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