I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
