Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
