he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
