My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
