just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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