People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
