i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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