i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
