call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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