There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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