I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
