i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize