If i come over, it means nothing
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
