it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
