if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
