How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
