i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Maybe he injected his testicle?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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