You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
