We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
