eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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