my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
