i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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