this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
