I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
