found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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