so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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