and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize