the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
