So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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