I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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