I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
