"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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