i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
