They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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