The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
