Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
