Porn is love you can see.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
