so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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