Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize