its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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