Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
