Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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