the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
