you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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