ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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